How to Combine Values and Goals to Build a Life That Feels Right for You
Does it ever feel like life is just…hard? You want to be thriving, but lately, it feels like you’re just trying to survive. No matter how many boxes you check off - getting that big promotion, keeping up with family obligations, doing all of the “right” things - it never feels like it’s enough.
At Soultality Psychotherapy in Boston, MA, we help people move beyond the cycle of “just getting through the day” with mental health support rooted in self-discovery. Life can be so beautiful, and we want to help you find healthy ways to live life to the fullest.
Today, we want to walk you through how we help our patients identify their values and set goals that align with their lives, making every day feel more fulfilling.
What Are Values and Goals? (And Why Are They So Important?)
Values and goals might sound like mundane concepts, but they’re actually two of the most practical tools we use as therapists to help people find more meaning in their lives.
But before going too deep, here are some definitions to get us started.
Values are your “why.” They’re your deeply held beliefs about what matters most to you. Examples include kindness, health, connection, and even creativity. Think of values as a moral compass that points you in the direction you want to go.
Goals are your “how.” They’re the specific, measurable steps you take to live in alignment with your values. For example, if you value connection, your goal might be to schedule regular coffee dates with friends or set aside time for family dinners.
Values and goals matter because when your life isn’t aligned with your values, it can feel disjointed and aimless. Like maybe you’re working in a job with no room for growth, but you value ambition? Or maybe you find yourself prioritizing things that don’t actually bring you joy because you feel like you “should” be doing them? Over time, this misalignment leads to burnout, anxiety, or even depression.
But when we take the time to understand our values and what makes us light up inside, it becomes a tool for creating a life that feels purposeful and fulfilling.
How to Discover Your Values
So, how do you figure out what your values are? One of our favorite tools here in our practice is a values card exercise, where you sort through different values and prioritize the ones that feel most meaningful to you.
But if you’re like 99.9% of the population and don’t have a value card deck lying around, we’ve got you.
To discover your values, ask yourself:
What brings me a deep sense of fulfillment, even when no one’s watching?
When was the last time I felt truly happy or at peace? What was I doing?
What do I want people to remember about me when they think back on my life?
What feels most important to me in my life right now?
Values can fall into many different categories, like relationships, health, happiness, freedom, security, gratitude, and even creativity. And the best part is there are no right or wrong answers, because your values are uniquely yours. The key here is to identify what lights you up inside so you can start building your life around it.
But a warning, because we can almost guarantee that you’re a high achieving person. We don’t want you putting a ton of pressure on yourself at this stage. Just find 3-4 values that seem to fall in line with your life, and more will come up over time.
Using Goals to Bring Your Values to Life
A lot of times, when people have trouble with goals, it’s because they’re rooted in things they feel they “should” be doing rather than what actually feels good to their soul. Once you have a couple of values to start with, the next step is turning them into actionable steps you can make in your life. This way, you can start moving towards a life that not just looks good but feels good, too.
Think of goals as tools for living out your values. For example:
If you value growth, your goal might be to enroll in a cooking class or read one new book a month.
If you value connection, you might set a goal to plan a monthly game night with friends.
If you value health, you could create a goal to take a 20-minute walk every morning or prepare one homemade meal a week.
The key here is to start with small goals. Rome wasn’t built in a day! Your goals don’t have to be grand or life-changing overnight, and we actually recommend that they aren’t. We want you to find a couple of goals that reflect what matters to you so you can get into a rhythm of keeping promises to yourself.
And if you start a goal and it ends up not feeling attainable? Make it smaller. Make it so simple that there’s no way you couldn’t stick with it. If your goal is to meditate for 20 minutes a day, but you’re having a hard time keeping up with it, trim that down to two minutes. Once that feels easy for you, up it to five minutes. Rinse and repeat.
What to Do When Life Feels Out of Alignment
If you’re going through this post and realizing that your life isn’t reflecting your values, we want you to know it’s okay. We see this happen a lot with our patients when they realize their lives aren’t actually set up to fulfill their personal values.
And rather than feeling anxious about it, we want you to feel excited for what’s to come! This is a big step in your life to find what makes you feel aligned, and that should be celebrated.
To get us started, we need to identify where the gaps currently exist and where we can make changes.
First, we want you to ask yourself, “What feels the most out of sync with my values right now?” Is it your job, how you spend your time, things you wish you were doing but currently aren’t? Make a note of those and any feelings you have about those points.
Next, we want you to identify one small change you can make today to bring this area closer to your values. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, making time for a hobby, or saying “no” to something that doesn’t actually serve you.
And remember, realignment doesn’t have to be drastic, and we don’t recommend that at all in the beginning. Our minds and bodies love homeostasis, which means keeping things the same. So, if we start slinging change around, it can actually make us feel even MORE out of alignment than when we started.
Contact Soultality in Boston, MA
When your values and goals are aligned, life feels less like a grind and more like a journey that’s uniquely yours. At Soultality Psychotherapy in Boston, MA, we specialize in helping high achievers and ambitious professionals uncover what truly matters to them and show them how to take actionable steps toward a life that feels whole and fulfilling.
If you liked this post and feel ready to stop just surviving and start thriving, we’re here to help. Fill out our inquiry form, and we’ll help you build a life of alignment that not just looks good but feels good, too.
Always in your corner,
Soultality